Pets Diary

Forwarded by M.C

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

* 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
* 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
* 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

* 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite
thing!
* 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
* 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

* 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
* 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
* 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
* 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My
favorite thing!
* 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite
thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Diary


Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make
my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat
something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me
going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the
carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless
body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their
hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However,
they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little
hunter' I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the
event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard
that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn
what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to
assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was
walking. I must try this again tomorrow --but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are
flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously
retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him
communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my
every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an
elevated cell, so he is safe. For now . .