Engineer VS Management

Forward by Ghulam Mehdi Ansari

Do not take it personal if you are engineer or manager...
its a joke for smiling not a poke!

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She reduced altitude and spotted a man below.
She descended a bit more and shouted, 'Excuse me sir, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but
I don't know where I am.'

The man below replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and
between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.'

'You must be an engineer,' said the lady balloonist.
'I am', replied the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well, answered the balloonist, 'everything you told me is
technically correct, but I've no idea what
to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost.
Frankly, you've not been much help to
me at all. If anything you've delayed my trip even more.'
The man below responded, 'You must be in management.'
‘I am,' replied the lady balloonist, 'but, how did you know?'
'Well,' said the man, 'You don't know where you are, or where you're going.
You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air within.
You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and
you expect people beneath you, to solve your problems.’

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

April Fool Wishes...!!!

Forward by Shaviz

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

Silly Slogans

Forwarded by Arunmenon

Plumbers:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

A non-smoking area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

A maternity room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

A tire shop:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

An optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."


A podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."



Pizza shop slogans:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
"Buy our pizza. We knead the dough."

Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

A veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

A gynecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

The electric company:
"We would be de-lighted if you pay your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

A plastic surgeon's office:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

A restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."

A sign at a radiator shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

On a butchers window:
"Pleased to meat you."

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

HR

Forward by Ankith

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation.The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;

Myfriend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366

Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours

Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
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Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)

Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir

Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.

Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days

Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!

Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that
I was stealing Company money all these days.

Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR=HIGH RISK

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

IDEAS to Suicide

Forward by Arun Kumar






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(For complete Story ,Click here......)

When Children Fear....Santa....

Forward by Ramaseshan






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(For complete Story ,Click here......)

WHY ? WHY ? WHY ? DID SHE DO THIS ???

Forward by Arun

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

Time please

Forward by Arun Kumar

Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?
Old Man: Certainly not.

Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to lose,if
You tell me the time?

Old Man: Yes, I may lose something if I tell you the time.
Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?

Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.
Young Man: Quite possible.


Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.
Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me. Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea. After my courteous approach you will try to come again.This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?
Young Man: Possible
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Old Man: Then I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you & you will admire my daughter.
Young Man: Smiles. ;)

Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.
Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose her for marriage.
Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.
Young Man: Oh Yes! And smiles

Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my daughter to a person like you who does not even own a watch.

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

Girls desk vs. Boyz desk..

Forwarded by Chanana, Chakshu (iGATE)

GURLZ DESK



BOYZ DESK




After seeing the two pics you can clearly identify who works n who doesn't,,,,,!!! Wink. Forward to all girls who can take a joke and all guys who like a laugh.

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

Ultimate truth Cool Ones!!!

Forwarded by Ankith Chawla

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.


To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.


The road to success??.. Is always under construction.


Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.


In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.



All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else.



Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.


Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.


If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.








You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.




Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.




As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.




He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.


If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.


Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.


When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.


If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.


Especially for engg. Students----
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.


You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.


The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.


After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be more crowded than the other.


If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.


Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

Reason behind US Crisis

Forward by Monika!
An Israeli doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can
take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for
work in six weeks.'

A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person,
put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.

A Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can
take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both
looking for work in two weeks.'

An American Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind,
we recently took a man with no brains out of Texas , put him in the White
House for eight years, and now half the country is looking for work.'

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

Really funny...must read...

Forwarded by Ankit Chawla



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ONLY ONE MAN IN THE WORLD TO HAVE HIS HEART IN THE ABDOMEN!

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

IT Experiance - Good One

Forwarded by Suresh

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

Salary Day.....!!

Forward by Keshia

All this happens with Most Husbands on each salary day.......



Wife: Where is your salary


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Wife: Show me your Pockets...



Husband: I'll not give the money...... U spend all of my salary.....!!!!




Wife: Give me way..... I am going for shopping.




Wife: Thanks Sweetheart...........bye :)

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

True story

Forward by Keshia

Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room,
talking about life... In-between, we talked about the
idea of living or dying.

I said to her:

'Dear, never let me live in a vegetative state, totally
dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle.
If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect
all the contraptions that are keeping me alive,
I'd much rather die'.

Then my wife got up from the sofa with this real look of
admiration towards me...and proceeded to disconnect
the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer,
the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went
to the fridge and threw away all my beer!!

*....I ALMOST DIED!!!

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

IDIOTS OF THE WORLD UNITE!

Forward by Alka Chandran



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Diversionary tactic.



Words of Wisdom.



A fortune to remember.



Stay off the course . . . Or else!




DESPERATE FOR A TICKET TO THE WORLD CUP



TIMOTEI AD

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

Before & After

Forward by Yaseen


Before marriage.....

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.

(For complete Story ,Click here......)

Height of Overreaction - Miss America 2004

Forward by Anil Vanjani

















Who the hell gave her the crown

(For complete Story ,Click here......)